"It's not that i don't love you. It's the sound I heard when I was nine and my father slammed the front door so hard behind him, I swear to God it shook the whole house. For the next three years I watched my mother break her teeth on vodka bottles. I think she stopped breathing when he left. I think part of her died. I think he took her heart with him when he walked out. her chest is empty, just a shattered mess or chracked ribs and depression pills. It's not that I don't love you. It's all the blood in the sink. It's the night I spent in the emergency room waiting to see if my sister was going to be okay, after the boy she loved, told her that he didn't love her anymore. It's the crying, and the flourscent lights, and the white sneakers and pale faces and shaky breaths and blood. So much blood. It's not that I don't love you. It's the time that I had to stay up for two days straight with my best friend while she cried and shrieked and threw up on my bedroom floor because her boyfriend had sex with his ex. I swear to God, she still has tear streaks stained onto her cheeks. I think when you love someone, it never really goes away. It's not that I don't love you. It's the six weeks we had a substitute in English because our teacher was getting divorced and couldn't handle getting out of bed. When she came back she was smiling. But her hands shook so hard when she held her coffee you could see that something was broken inside, and sometimes when things are broken you just can't fix them. Nothing ever goes back to how it was. I got an A in English that year. I think that her head was always spinning too hard to read any essays.
It's not that I don't love you. It's that I do."
Denna text är så oerhört kraftfull. Den är så full med känslor, åt alla håll. Den visar hur verkligheten kan vara. Denna text betyder oerhört mycket för mig, även om jag är i ett bra förhållande och inte har problem på det viset texten för fram så är det ändå en text som rotat sig i mig, och jag tror det är bra att någon gång ibland läsa den för sig själv och tänka sig för innan man ger sig in i saker. För även om kärlek är det vackraste och finaste och bästa som finns kan det även förstöra så mycket. Man kan antingen bli hel, eller totalt trasig, bitar.
